Original Idea Response to Response...to response....omg....

Beth - "And that is a good answer! I disagree, at least for me, but that is my prerogative, just as your opinion is yours. I think that if I can plant an image, thought, idea, or feeling into your mind then I am telling a story. "A moose in the mist" is, in my opinion and not according to any definition other than my own, a story because I have planted the seed in your mind. Your imagination can choose to "finish" out the story and ponder it, or dismiss it. But I have told it to you and you have received it, therefore, created a story (kernel) with no conflict. It is not a finished story, but is (like the quantum stuff) able to be anything. I just chose not to lock it into any ONE outcome, conflict, etc. That's my 2 cents worth on this project.

Good job - and good for you for having the guts to tell me you are finished with it and unwilling to continue."

----------------------
Me -
And see, that's where I love this class. It's not about finding a "right way" to think, or about learning to recognize when somethings "wrong". It's about identifying where you differ from other people, ideals, etc. and loving it. I like that you (Beth) and I agree in several areas, but I love that we disagree in other areas at the same time. It's awesome that you think stories are broader and that they can entice the imagination in that way. My mind fancies that idea, but is in love with the comfort of it's own opinion. It gives me a "drive" when I write a story just as I assume your opinion does. That's why this "field" if you will, is so rich and colorful. (also why I'm not referring to money or color pallets ^_^)

Grave of the Fireflies

Wow, I loved this movie! I didn't cry while we were watching it in class, but I did about 3 hours after. The images and characters stayed in my head...I saw them everywhere. It reminds me of when I watched the 4 hour long Bollywood movie "Kal Ho Naa Ho" I cried for days. The story was intense...life changing.
A friend and I drove around downtown after class. The streetlights were fireflies. All children were Setsuko. Candy in the gas station became a luxury. And I wanted a rice ball.
I want to make Setsuko smile.

"Going Out"

So, what's the difference between a gallery in the "real world" and an "online gallery"? I mean really. Yes, the scope that your eyes are subjected to is limited...but is it not still up to your imagination and where you allow your mind to be? I've been to several galleries in my life. I mentioned going to one downtown about a month ago, I've been to some in Florida of religious natures, and some in Chicago of scientific and historic natures...everyone loves The Children's Museum and Conner Prairie...which to me are galleries of screaming children and time warps vs. awkward actors...which made me think. Galleries are (traditionally) collections of pictures that take our mind...somewhere. Video games are smaller versions of "real worlds" in moving picture form...I find the scenery to be quite artistic...why not do something with some screen shots? So, I did.

Now, here is what the average screen shot looked like to begin with...


And here are some of the "gallery pieces" I concocted:










Actually, I found this to be extremely inspiring...and fun ^_^. I'm adding it to my list of ideas for when I get "stuck".

And as for the inspirational/"what inspires me" about Guild Wars... first off, it's a beautiful game. Hands down it's more gorgeous than WoW (which looks like a fruit loop). (...and I am well aware of the offensive quality of the statement I just made ^_~) But yeah, I am looking to design terrain and landscapes for 3D...stuff...probably in video games...some day.

Where I've been the past 2 weeks

I've been with the same person for almost 7 years. I'm not anymore. It's hard. Part of myself is gone, and part of myself is alive again. There is comfort in knowing or at least telling yourself that you know where you'll be the rest of your life. It's hard to compensate for that being torn away. He was 2 years away from being a doctor. Two years away from asking me to marry him. I was comfortable with that...having the "ideal" life, having what would be happiness according to a common standard. I loved him, I know that, I will always remember him in that way. He belongs there, and I belong here...we're both thankful for what we shared with each other, and we're for the most part ready to move on. I've never cried so much...despite having cried a lot in my life previously.

I'm not expecting a giant revelation in my life, while it would be nice. Right now, I'm just trying to stay standing and take small steps. Friends help a lot. Sometimes they say the right things, other times they suck at it. In the end, knowing that someone cares keeps me smiling. It's impossible for me to truly explain what I've given up, and at the same time it's impossible to explain how much I've gotten back.

I'm both weak and strong. I'm both capable of doing anything and nothing. I'm okay with who I am now, in fact, I'm quite happy. There's more to life than romance and finding a perfect partner, there's a lot more.

Bliss Assignment

I've been trying for the past week to do this assignment, and it just doesn't work for me. I can't plan fun. It has to be spontaneous. You said you were interested, not in WHAT we did, but how this exercise worked for us. Well, it usually works for me to just forget about work for a while when it gets hectic. To do things on command messes with my head. I tried playing video games, which usually keeps me entertained. I tried movies and shopping and just hanging out with people, but nothing made me ecstatic. Idk, I'm just not in the mood.

About the Bliss Assignment

I read over the assignment and found out that I don't have to come to class tomorrow (in essence). I'm ecstatic! I still haven't actually done my bliss assignment...though I've done hundreds of things that make me happy all weekend...It's odd, how happiness and sadness can be so entwined.


What happened to your eyes,
The purple frills keep turning.

Their light seems to fade.
Will they ever stop their turning...

Soon they will know darkness,
In their still such peaceful turning...

Except my gentle Iris fields,
In my mind, forever, turning.

I use to have a painting in my room...it was of a lady sitting in a field of Iris flowers. It was actually a picture I had torn out of my school art book in 5th grade. I framed it in the most ornate border I could find. I loved that picture. Years ago, I would stair at it and wonder why she sat there, what she was thinking about... I don't wonder anymore. I've been in that field more times than I can count...and I will be there again and again. It's not that the flowers are comforting and peaceful, or that the distance is just great enough to be "away"...it's more than that...and still, it's just that that keeps me coming back.

What the Bleep do we Know?

Originally, I wasn't going to watch the movie in class. I was going to leave and do the Bliss Assignment, but I had to get directions to a friend's house. I was looking up directions as the movie started, and then I got engrossed in it. So, I stayed.

Initially, I just loved it! The Japanese professor who did the water experiment was freaking awesome. The story...was lame, I have to admit. No body in our class seemed to connect with that lady...she felt like "my friend's mom." But I digress... (I just wanted to say that ^_^)

"They" didn't come out and say it, but they we're trying to give way to a new "religion" or way of life. When honestly, it was Buddhism all over again...mixed with a little Mormonism. They tried to hide it by making it upbeat and "self-help-class" like. To me, the idea of ascending or being enlightened and "lost in your own mind" makes me feel lonely. I have no desire to be god.

I felt one major flaw in their way of thinking was the "emotion addiction." The movie made me feel a certain way...thinking I could turn into or be god, made me feel a certain way - the whole idea could appeal to a person's "emotions"(those little jelly creatures that bugged the hell out of me). So, if you like the way believing in that makes you feel...you'll believe it, no? In the end, I think they pushed that people should avoid addictions and then they'll be enlightened. Um, so how do you explain the addiction to feeling like god? Are you "allowed" to not ignore that one? It just seems too skeptical to me. Same with primordial soup and people evolving from rocks, lol.

At one point it felt like they were also pushing giving into those emotions...so I may have misinterpreted that.

Also, the idea that things exist "everywhere" and that our sight limits it to one place. Look, I'm open to thinking creatively, but that's people's way of explaining their addiction to their own minds. They have overactive imaginations that make them "feel" like they're in more than one place, or they think they can "throw" their spirit to some other place on earth at will. They WANT to be like god, so they make excuse for it. Back to what I was saying though. As much as an atom doesn't exist, it also still exists more than a vacuum. Look at a vacuum under a scope and you'll see nothing. Look at mass under one, and you'll get something. Even if our eyes are only interpreting something that barely exists into extremely real solid objects - there is still a distinguishable difference, and that prevents a basketball from being in more than one place at a time.

They're ignoring what they don't know as well. Try finding the God Particle. Then try convincing me that you can control circumstances in your life. Key word there is "control" - you can effect them, sure. You have the ability to make decisions, but who "controlled" dinosaurs in existence? Seriously?

And can I say, the ending where they re-hashed what they believed for an hour was annoying.
lol, but overall it was a nice try.

#7 - Proximity Awareness

I was laying next to a closed window and a bug flew up next to my face on the other side of the glass. I felt it. it could have been my mind just expecting it to come closer...but I've heard too many theories.

There is the "life" aura, yes. I'm going to be more partial to gravitational fields for this one. The idea is a little like this: Everything with mass generates it's own field. Everything in a way attracts or repels everything else. Magnetic pull, gravity, and electricity are all thrown together in a lot of sciences. They effect one another in measurable ways any way. What if we can "hone in" on these measurable fields? Like, to the point where we wouldn't need to see to move around.

Just a thought, that I thought.

Let's take it a step further. Can we control our field? Can I make my field larger or smaller?
We can control our emotions which are related to electrical impulses in the body. Is there a certain emotion that taps into this field? Anger would be a good guess, or the other extreme.

What if we could move this field/energy?
lol, then we would all be DBZ characters and die happy?

I feel like I haven't created a new "sense" Soooo, my "created sense" is marshmallow Sense. Hey, pigs can find truffles...why couldn't I sense where marshmallows are?

#6 - HUMAN AURAS/KIRLIAN PHOTOGRAPHY

Ever heard of Kirlian Photography? I won't explain it to you, google it. But it's interesting, and it snaps shots of human"aura, energy, chakra" whatever you'd like to call it. Here's one from a martial artist:


Now, I believe in auras, just to let you know. I myself am not a "clairvoyant" as they like to be called, but I'm very in tune to people's overall and underlying mood(s). It IS a natural "sense" that can be developed, but in general, people who aren't naturally good at it just screw it. I will say, you have to be mentally strong...not hard headed, but accepting of yourself and your surroundings.

There existeth (lol) a color theory that relates to the location of 7 chakras/auras, all of which are found along the spinal cord. They may also be associated with nearby organs/areas (i.e. the heart, throat, etc.) Each individual chakra is assigned a color and thus a "mood." (colors came from research around Kirilian photography and clairvoyants ability to "sense in color") Here's a fun link if you want to know a little more: The Human Aura & Chakras

#5 - TOUCH

Our skin has a memory of it's own. It's easy to recall the feel of a rough unique surface...try it out. Look at this image:

It's a brick wall. Remember all the times you've skimmed your hands across one as you walked? They're dry and course. Your hands would be moist and stick to the wall a bit...you tried not to run your nails directly along it because they would scrape and it just felt weird.

Try this one:

Cotton bed sheets. Your skin remembers exactly what they feel like. Not the softest thing in the world but still very comforting.

Now try this:

One glass is room temperature, the other has ice in it. Imagine picking up either one. You know your fingers will get wet with one, and you can sense almost exactly how cold it would feel.

Touch is a powerful sense. It gets logged in our memories quite well, many times without us even noticing.

If you want an "oh, that's kinda cool" thing to do, google textures or surfaces, and just thumb through the images. Imagine touching each one...you'll be surprised at how you "know" exactly how each one would feel, even if you've never actually touched them before.

#4 - SIGHT

I could guess, most of us in class may choose to post beautiful scenes and such...sometimes, we wish we couldn't see...Sometimes, we would welcome a respite from our so glorious vision...this invisible pain we feel...

She was abused by someone who once said, "I love you."


This was a child...still is...


Once waited for someone to pet him...then just for someone to feed him.


She just wanted to be beautiful...wanted to be loved.


They all watch him and think, "how could his mother leave him there?" ...and pass on by.


What is your world coming to? Will you go on watching it? Let your eyes teach you.

ECHO

Does anyone remember this game...I was thinking of all the senses and it came into my head. Did you know you can smell under water? Well, humans can't very well...we'd suffocate if we tried, lol. But, Dolphins are amazing. They're visibly stunning, they have heightened senses like echo location and they are picky eaters which means they have sensitive pallets. They're bloody smart too...though, I guess all I know of Dolphins is either from the videogame "Echo" or from the old tv show with the bald sea captain and the dolphin that helped them with missions randomly.

#3 - Smell

Ok, my apologies for posting so late. I have been traveling. I'm actually in Tennessee right now. It was a long trip to make by myself...the Cumberland Gap is quite beautiful though. Internet is scarce. So, I'm sort of doing these assignments in clusters as opposed to every evening or whatever.

The air smells different down here. It's much...clearer.

Sigh...I want to say more...I feel like I'm ignoring this assignment, but I like that sentence just the way it is. It says all I really want to say...the air is clearer. It's not meant to be extremely deep...it's not even meant to inspire anything...things don't need great purpose. There is purpose enough in simply being...being simple.

#2 - TASTE

I first became inspired with this while I was doing my sound sense. My friend Richard mentioned banana peppers...and when I thought of how they crunched and tasted so delicious, my mouth immediately began to water. In fact, it still does if I think about it enough. ^_^

So, taste is in conjunction with what I see, smell, and remember. The brain often tells me what I'm tasting if I see it or smell it first. I'm going to try to eliminate as many factors as possible and see what I feel I'm tasting...or whatever. Just go with it.

I had my friend blind fold me, and I plugged my nose.
He is going to feed me 4 things, and I'm going to type what I think after I eat each one, without really knowing what they are 'til the end.

Okay,

#1
It was slimy and scared me at first. I didn't want to swallow it even though I had to. It was sweet, but not a "good" sweet and it was watered down "lemony." I told myself it was the lemon puddings we had.

#2
I knew the second one right of the bat. It was one of those cherry sized tomatoes. I hate them. It was disgusting when it burst in my mouth. The juices and seeds...blech! Initially, it was just a silky tasteless ball. But there was no mistaking it once I bit in.

#3
It was runny, and sweet, but seemed more like Robotussen when I swallowed it. My next guess was honey. I accidentally unplugged my nose and immediately knew it was maple syrup.

#4
This one I knew only by its shape. It felt like a green bean. It however was tasteless. How it squished in my mouth made me feel sick. This is odd, because I LOVE green beans.

Now, here's what I was fed: 1) whipped cream 2) a cherry tomato 3) maple syrup 4) a green bean.

(I'll finish this later)

This is hard to start - SOUND

Okay, I'm a busy person...by choice. But, I like to spend time on my projects, and it just wasn't working last night. My mind was jumbled, and I didn't even know which sense to pick. I fell asleep before I knew what to do. So...I'm going to listen to some music and just write what I feel for the next few hours.

Sense #1 - Sound/Hearing

Song: Kal Ho Naa Ho (Hindi)

I'm almost instantly relaxed. I remember scenes from the Bollywood film that the song is from. Vividly. Red, black, and white. Shahrukh Khan keeps popping up in wide shots and extreme close ups. The drum beat is relaxing. I feel positive and yet sad because I remember the outcome of the movie. It's strange, but I remember exactly how I felt during the movie. It made me cry the first time I watched it.

Song: Main Vari Vari (Hindi)

I never saw the movie that goes along with this song...so, I find my mind trying to give it images. I don't know what the lady who sings it looks like, and yet I give her a face. I fill in the image with clothes and scenery...instruments being played. The overall color scheme seems to be a smoky yellow with red and orange hues. The song in a way helps me create. I can fill in anything for the first few times I watch it...

Game: Final Fantasy VIII (RPG/Gameing music)

My friend Richard came over and decided to replay my FF7 video game. It has an awesome soundtrack. For how old the game is, I'm surprised that I still get engrossed in listening to it. I'm trying to just listen, but it like begs me to look at it. Maybe it's a result of me being a gamer addict in the first place, but the music gets me excited. It makes me want to fight or just run and tackle someone for the fun of it. I'm also trying to listen to what he "sounds like" when he talks. It's weird, because my mind can't just focus on his sound, it has to make sense of his words also, I wonder if that's why I had to make pictures in my head whenever I just listen to music.

Okay, that's enough of sound. I've been racking my brain for a while trying to come up with some way to prove that I care about this "sound sense" buuut nothing is coming to me. Lately, I've been really trying to take advantage of when I AM inspired and learning to cope with it when I'm not.

Redux Prehuntas

Brockin's Seeing Sideways...or something. Thank's for your question.
3. What if we sat in that classroom we had for class for 24 hours talking about nonsense.

What if...

I'm game.

Initially, I'd love to, I'd consider daring you to let us do it some class time...it's like one of those strange scenarios that people like me would thrive in...or at least dream of being "trapped" in. The whole "elevator" malfunction thing. And I would suppose if it WAS like a movie, I'd love it...but here's to Joker and his theory of men. People never fail to dissapoint. A few interesting conversations would take place, maybe a few games. One or two people would come more out of their shells. All the same questions about life would come up like clock work...never having definite answers...serving only for temporary inspiration. A fleeting moment of communion, loved and almost instantly forgotten. Just another memory to add to all our memories...for what? To grow? To be a better human? Let me know when a more satisfying answer dares suffice this.

Brockin was right. Nonsense.



and another interesting question...more one that just begged me to post a picture...
33. Ghosts hung around and talked to us from cloudedchaos

Last Week...agian

Last week's class was fun...I can't say it was insanely inspiring, but it was nice to hear from other people. I find myself disappointed in this weeks assignment. It seems next to pointless to do anything with somebody else's question...idk, I just find myself wanting you to give the class some really fun/weird assignment to work on...and then I realize that there's some twisted lesson like - I should inspire myself and not expect an assignment to do it for me...or whatever. But what's really wrong with that? Is anything wrong with it? It's like asking Alexander to stop wanting a challenge...he wouldn't be who he was, ya know?

What if

Last Week

Ghost images, time projects, boredom, and relations...last week's class is not on a scale. Some days are more insightful than others, more happy, more crazy, more bright. Last class was another day to be remembered, if not in words, in feelings. I loved it and hated it. The first half sucked until my brain finally got words to chew on. I think about that stuff all the time...it comes naturally. The most interesting conversation was the one with the dude who loves crunching numbers. That makes my mind go crazy because he thinks differently than I do. (apologies for not remembering your name...I remember faces...and by "crazy" I mean in a good way) Contemplating boredom bored me. Contemplating the meaning of time was cool for about 2 seconds. Deeper things can get me talking and keep my attention, but they're not as inspiring when they follow my natural train of thought. I know the "deeper" side! I want to know the different sides now. For instance, why do some people seem to neglect the "insightful" side of life? What do they think about when they're alone if they don't ponder life and time, etc.? How can you not get addicted to electronica and techno? It shouldn't sound odd to you. Where is a mental patient's self? If we do almost everything the same as each other, where'd we get the idea that we're so different and that some of us lack feeling? Why the hell are you reading this?

laugh and cry on cue
trip, fall, flutter
nothing happened.

Time's Hands

There is a place where time ended,
And a place before it began.

And in between, soft single moments,
Blended like palms and hands.

Light holds these unseen moments,
And moves them one by one.

Dreams unfold their passing power,
And our eyes keep them undone.

The sky will be soon clearer,
While water turns cold and dark.

And this moment will move quickly,
Just before the dark.

There was a time when this place ended,
And a time when it began.

Each and every dream we give,
To time's still turning hands.


Time in a lot of ways reminds me of poems. You can guess and guess all day why the writer wrote what he did, but there's no guarantee that you're right. You'd have to ask him yourself.
So, for this assignment, I wrote a poem and for the first time ever, explained the meaning behind it in as best I could. I added how the photo-shopped picture refers to parts of the poem as well.

"There is a place where time ended, and a place before it began." These lines refer to time being set down, and in a sense having become unalterable. We cannot physically enter these places, only in our imagination. The picture shows this through the sense of light coming from a place above, and the sense of darkness covering a place beneath.

"And in between, soft single moments, blended like palms and hands." These lines reference my idea of human lives being separate but still strung together or attached like fingers on a hand. I used the word soft to describe our moments or memories because regardless of disposition, our memories are dear to us. The picture shows this by a hand reaching gently up or "forward" (in my mind).

"Light holds these unseen moments, and moves them one by one." Light designates where we get our idea of time, a sun dial. It holds the invisible hands of time along with our visible memories or images...we can only see (to remember) when there is light. The random particles and dots represent our memories flowing through time.

"Dreams unfold their passing power, and our eyes keep them undone." We dream often taking time along with us. We can dream of the past and the future...it is powerful...and it passes by us every second. We can usually only dream fully with our eyes closed. When our eyes are opened, the dreams become undone. It is sad in a sense because we can seemingly only do one or the other...dream or live. The picture does not represent these lines, the reader does.

"The sky will be soon clearer, while water turns cold and dark." Reminding us that our dream must be met by a reality. The sun is setting, and the sky will be clearer to see the stars. The water will follow suit...but will keep turning or flowing on with time. The blue hues in the picture give the illusion of water.

"And this moment will move quickly, just before the dark." As if to catch ourselves before waking from a dream, reminding us that time still moves quickly to it's end. Referring back to the darkening sky and water...each of our lives will end, but new ones will continue moving (water). There is a beauty to be seen after our time, when our sun shines no longer (night/dark) there will be the stars for us to see and continue our memories (life/place after death/time).

"There was a time when this place ended, and a time when it began." Remembering how similar these lines were to the first few. That's when this time/place began...and now this moment/memory will end soon.

"Each and every dream we give, to time's still turning hands." Telling us to see reality for what it is (we are bound by time), but not to fear it, because it is still moving onward to a clearer dawn.

Bible Dipping - the cover

I'm sitting in bed...a friend woke me up with a phone call...there's a stuffed moogle and pikachu starring at me...I looked at the Seeing Sideways book and read the whole cover for the first time. I feel like the words hold meaning, and tell myself I understand them...when I realize it's more likely that I don't understand them at all. I want to write about the cover, but try to find a scapegoat by getting a "deeper", "easier to write about and prove I'm smarter" page in the book. And I just realized it's almost impossible to direct you to the page I opened. It's yellow...and has chopstick instructions at the binding. It talks a lot about great artists...musicians...tatoo-ists...all strangely of the asian variety. You know, I feel like that sometimes. When I draw I picture or write a poem...when I try to convey any message...it's like trying to direct you to a page in a numberless book...a page in my mind. Why does it take so much effort to express oneself? Should it be that way? I can see it from the "labor of love" angle and the "free your mind" angle. Time never answers life's questions until it's over. I guess another thing that erks me is why I want you to know whats in my head anyway...IT DRIVES ME! And, to an extent I don't even know why. Yes, I care about your wellbeing and such...but it's not that I can suddenly give you peace...it's more like I'm a child who has a pretty picture that looks like crap, but really wants to show it to someone. I want you to smile. I want love in return. I want an excuse for why I want affection in some form reciprocated...but I have none that justify it being...typed.
My mind paused. Why do I write to "you"? I was skimming that first half and wondered who "you" was. Yeah, I'm writing to the whole class/teacher, but I'm not imagining you and your reaction like I would with a paper for W131. To a degree, it feels like I'm writing to my mind...I won't type anything down until it is satisfactory to me...and yet I'll give up and just splotch anything down randomly. I'm not an artist. I'm a person. This is it so far, I need to get in the shower now...brb
Okay, so now I'm sitting here with a bowl of cereal. Raisin Bran Crunch...the best ever cereal. Showers are good for thinking. I find I can get frustrated easily because I personalize everything. And I feel like normal people don't do this - like they get some aspect of life that enables them to not care about eachother. But truth is, I love to take things to a deeper level...and if I'm sitting over in a corner staring at a tiny acorn, pondering it's existence, while everyone else is gazing at the forest...so be it.
My brother just came home with a double-decker from tacobell for me and I didn't even ask for it...raisins and beans...that's a lovely combo.
So, why is there hatred and bitterness in the world? Everyone thinks differently. I would come over and look at your forest, but I'm still engrossed by an acorn. How about we have dinner later and you can tell me what you find beautiful, and I'll share mine. We won't change each other's minds; but the next time you look at a forest, or I look at an acorn...we'll think of something different. And then, just maybe, we'll get somewhere.

Egg & Zachly

So, I went in circles for two weeks trying to make a billion things from this egg. In the end, I only developed an extreme hatred for chicken eggs. It wasn't until I went to an Art Show at Harrison Center for the Arts on Friday (yeah, I was cutting it close) that I started considering a comic strip. The name for the comic came from a previous idea that flopped. (trying to see how many different words had "egg" in them - it was sad.) I drew sketches Sunday morning (during church...forgive me.) and then re-drew them with a graphic pen when I got home. I also bought a scanner/printer/fax combo - I'd wanted one for forever! Then I scanned the images and cleaned em up in Photoshop. I'm happy with it, ya know? I've never made a comic before, so I learned a little. And, in the end, I did something that I actually enjoyed!

And, where do we go now?

First off, no one will ever read this, I know from experience. But listen to the song I've uploaded. It's called "Crystal" by Wolfy. They're a pretty awesome new band. Um...this blog WAS for N100 about a year ago, but now it's for "Seeing Sideways" with Beth Lykins...uh...N4...something. ^_^' Anyways, I take pride in my literary skills even though my basis is visual representations...sumpin 'er other... I dare you to read some of my stuff. I dare you to think.